This post is dedicated to all the people pleasers out there who want to put smiles on everyones faces even if their skin is scalded, their limbs fall off and all their blood is drained out, as a result. I was one of you, dear friends. As a child I had a chronic fear of disappointing others. I had it in my head that I was emotionally stronger than everybody else so I deserved somehow to suffer or sacrifice a bit more. I wouldn’t ask for help if I needed it (something I still struggle with) because why should someone waste their time helping me? Trust issues yo. I only realised when I was older that it was a symptom of not valuing myself enough. Guess what happens when you give so much that it starts being detrimental to you? People will only demand more and more and more of you.It rarely makes people appreciate or value you more.My favourite quotation by Zora Neale Hurston puts this sentiment perfectly;
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”
There are no trophies or pageant crowns to be won for not valuing yourself or sacrificing too much. I think there should always be a piece of yourself that you guard from others. Don’t throw every single part of you into making someone else happy even if that someone is your spouse or child because that only ends up with you burnt out and resentful. Ideally those people should want you to be happy too…not set yourself on fire for them. Sometimes loved ones will appreciate you and sometimes they won’t and you have give to them bearing that in mind so you don’t lose your damn mind when they get amnesia about all you’ve sacrificed for them. I’m an advocate for loving deeply and being vulnerable and generous with yourself in relationships, but please look after yourself. Its perfectly fine to admit you have too much on your plate and need help. Its okay to say no. As my mother used to say to me ‘Stop trying to be Joan of Arc’.
By the way if anyone expects too much from you and keeps taking from you with no consideration for your wellbeing, that person should perhaps not be in your life or have limited access to you. As Nina Simone said ‘You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.’ Obviously if you’re married you have to…make lemonade? For anything else though…carry your bag and say goodbye :P
I’ve really been enjoying posting more regularly and I hope you guys are enjoying Blogtober too.
Have an awesome weekend!x